He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
