he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
