How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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