we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
