Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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