take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
