i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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