My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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