At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize