my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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