this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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