i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
