Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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