Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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