Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
