need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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