Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
