You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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