can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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