mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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