have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's get the cat blown out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
