She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
