4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
