My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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