I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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