And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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