but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
