Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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