We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
