We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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