you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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