Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
