I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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