Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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