The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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