i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
