I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
