you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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