Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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