I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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