I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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