you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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