He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
