i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
