Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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