i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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