Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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