Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's rum buckets o'clock
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
