i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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