wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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