You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
