He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
