I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In America we eat man semen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
