I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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