I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
