You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
