he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They have beer where we have blood.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
