hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
