So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
