sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
