Rock
Scissors
Fuck
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
