so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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