He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
