Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
