i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
