were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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