shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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