I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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