i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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